Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog, "Deep Thoughts by Courtney." Now, if you know me at all (and believe me you will shortly!!) you know that while that is intended to be humorous and is a shamelessly stolen concept from SNL. All jokes aside, it has been extremely therapeutic for me to read others' blogs... like a little window into another person's soul. My hope is that taking the HUGE step to start my own will prove to be even more therapeutic.

For starters... I'm not a big talker. Whoa, before you start yelling "LIAR!!" at me, understand that I love to "chat," but very rarely do I hold in-depth conversations with anyone. It isn't because I don't care or that I have no "deep thoughts." I'm just terrified to share them!

I don't have the best memories from school (or other places of interaction). I was a "weird" kid... talked using big words, wore the clothes my mom bought me (love you mom, but some of those outfits!!!), always had my nose in books, etc.... The few times early on that I tried to "fit in" were, well, disastrous...at least in my mind. There is a point to this story, I swear.

My coping mechanism was to keep all the "weirdness" in. Think it, but don't say it. I'd let people say anything to me or about me without any reaction... but if possible, I immediately tried to change whatever it is they were talking about. As I got older, I learned to selectively and intermittently share my weirdness - you've probably had a glimpse. I found my first love - volleyball - and I was pretty good at it. Through it, I learned to function as part of a team - in both good ways and bad ways. I had no trouble "adjusting" myself to get along with (almost) anybody... but I lost a great deal of my true self in the process.

To wrap it up, I've been in a low place lately. I'm seeing the effects of all the "adjustments" I made to me catch up with me... and I don't like it. I don't like the ME that I am right now. So..... I begin my journey to find me.

You can run away screaming now... I won't be offended :)